I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
