I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
