this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
