Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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