There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
