1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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