How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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