I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
