Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
