Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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