ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
