So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
