We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
