A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
