So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
