i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
