Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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