i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
