You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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