capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
