I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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