we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
