I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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