i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
