Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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