that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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