Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
