He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
