I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
