make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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