if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
