hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
