hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
