Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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