listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
