He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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