apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
