My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
