What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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