one two three fourrrrnication!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
