oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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