the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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