Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
