And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
