Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
