so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
