went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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