This is not my ceiling
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
