I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
