Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
