I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
