Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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