Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
