we're blogging at a bar
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
