I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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